May 6th 2014 8:49 PM

May 6th 2014 8:49 PM

I was tired from a long day on my feet. I was wearing a pair of jeans that were a little too tight and a black polo shirt branded with my employer on it. I hadn’t sat down since before noon and I hadn’t slept more than 4 hours the night before. My hair was a little messy and my makeup was fading. I knew that soon I would be home, but first I had to close the store and count the registers.

This was my first day away from my baby boy since he arrived in this little world. Continue reading “May 6th 2014 8:49 PM”

I Can’t Stop Looking Back. Wanting. Hoping. Praying.

I am so devastated.

I decided Friday I would make him dinner. I went to what was our home for 6 years and I made a quick meal. Simple. But filled with hope. I then showed up at his second job. I told him some hard to say things. I apologized for choosing to be angry with him. I apologized for my terrible words. I then told him I would not go to mediation. Mediation is for two people who agree they need to dissolve a marriage.

I don’t want to. I want my old bestfriend back. I want my life back. I want waking up, heading to breakfast as a family, packing up the jeep and going to the lake, I want those late nights watching tv together talking about our day. I want the hustle and bustle of our crazy little life. I want the partner he promised to be. I want the person I have known for 11 years.

I am going to fight until a judge tells me to give up. Continue reading “I Can’t Stop Looking Back. Wanting. Hoping. Praying.”

Don’t Tell Me How To Act or Feel.

The stress of this is getting to me. I just lost some pretty large chunks of hair. Luckily I have really thick hair so you can’t see the bald spots.

I am still angry. I keep crying over almost nothing. He was able to turn off his feelings. But I unfortunately feel everything. It’s deep. It’s raw. My core is exposed and I have no way of closing myself off. Continue reading “Don’t Tell Me How To Act or Feel.”