I’m a fool. I really am. I am an angry enraged fool. He sent me an email at work listing possible mediatiors. I don’t care. He knows I don’t. Whoever. It doesn’t matter. Either way I lose.
That sent me in a profanity laced tirade of low blows and mean words.
I need to rise up and be the better person that I know I am.
But it’s so hard when I’m so upset. I go blind. I can only see red.
And then I stop. I miss the old us. The us before he chose this path. Because we were great. Best friends. Why can’t he remember any of that.
Why won’t I forget?
Today is a bad day in this journey.
I’ve been crying. I keep thinking who the hell will love me. I’m used up. My prime is over. I am a mom. I’m a loser. I lost my home. I have no possessions. I have nothing to bring to the table. Forever alone.
I miss having a family to come home to, to cook for. I miss my home. I miss my life I loved.
Today I think: Maybe I’m not going to come out of this ok. Maybe I’m going to be broken. Forever.