31 going on 16

31 going on 16

Aside from losing my home, my future as a family, my sanity, material possessions, my status as a wife … (this list can go for miles)

I’ve lost my privacy.

I was forced to move in with my parents. And before I start complaining. I do not have rent. I get free babysitting and I love them very much.

But they cannot help but tell me on a daily basis what I should be doing. They like to remind me that he hasn’t paid me child support. They like to prod me about when I am going to get it from him, or what I am going to do about his late babysitting payments. They bring him up daily and refer to him as “dumb ass” and Continue reading “31 going on 16”

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The Boy and J.

The Boy and J.

My new reality. I have no idea what my future is anymore. Where I am going. I don’t even really know where I WANT to go.

I do know this.

Life doesn’t care what you want. Where you want to go. What you want to be. It will force upon you circumstances and you will have to adjust your desires perpetually.

I do know that I am obligated to take each day, and try to make it as good as the last.

So…

I took my little boy to the Museum of Play. Its adorable. For a kid it must look like the coolest place on earth. There is a Sesame Street area, there is little train to ride on, a carousel, a huge plane you can play in, arcade games, super heroes, pirate ship you can play on …  could go for hours about all the fun this place is packed with.

I also invited J. It is time for him to see the “Mom” side of me. Continue reading “The Boy and J.”

My Life Is an Episode of the Twilight Zone

My Life Is an Episode of the Twilight Zone

FIRST OF ALL

I am not conflicted.

But I am confused. And a little angry. And slightly happy  satisfied.

The Ex asked to call me after the boy went to bed. I said of course. He owes me child support, money for babysitting and I was thinking this was to explain that.

Nope. Not quite.

He started by saying that he thinks he has been paying me too much. My ass. I politely corrected him. And I am not a money grubbing evil woman so I am understanding and willing to calmly discuss. He dropped that as soon as he realized the er in his logic.

He went on a rant about being lonely and empty inside. Continue reading “My Life Is an Episode of the Twilight Zone”

2016. Please don’t be cruel.

2016. Please don’t be cruel.

Christmas was hard. Then I managed to get the flu, bronchitis and an ear infection. I spent New Years curled up on the couch with tea, a blanket and my J.

I let being sick break me a little. I missed those days when  in my old life I would have someone I know would take care of me. He would bring me medicine, a cupcake, soup and he knew what I needed. He would rub my back and ask me what else I needed. He would check in on me and be so sweet and kind. Obviously I am romanticizing and possibly inflating the reality. I just can’t remember the truth. Because when things got bad, when he changed that was my new reality. A year ago I was violently ill and he found me on the bathroom floor unable to move. He barked at me to get up and left me there to myself. Continue reading “2016. Please don’t be cruel.”