FIRST OF ALL
I am not conflicted.
But I am confused. And a little angry. And slightly
The Ex asked to call me after the boy went to bed. I said of course. He owes me child support, money for babysitting and I was thinking this was to explain that.
Nope. Not quite.
He started by saying that he thinks he has been paying me too much. My ass. I politely corrected him. And I am not a money grubbing evil woman so I am understanding and willing to calmly discuss. He dropped that as soon as he realized the er in his logic.
He went on a rant about being lonely and empty inside. I couldn’t help but to feel a little bad, because that is how HE made me feel a year ago. And that was lonely, empty and dark. But just a little bad.
The conversation then switched to the boy. How he was sick but better and how he is growing so fast. It felt like two friends catching up. And then it hit me.
Why is he being nice. Now. After all this time. Why am I being nice back?
Then he made all sorts of small talk. Like it was 2 years ago, and we were catching up on each other’s day after working. Like we were married and cared.
What is going on. Seriously. I am not exactly sure how to handle this.
Then he said “Can I call tomorrow night? You can say good night to the boy.” I stuttered a “sure” and I hung up the phone.
I got in my car. It was snowing and it was cold. I cried.
I called J. Told him what just happened. Mostly for me. So I could remind myself of my new life. He listened. He shared his experience and gave his opinion. I appreciate his insight. His maturity. But hearing that must have been hard for him. He must be thinking thing like, “what if she wants him back” “it’s best for Carter”.
I won’t lie. I thought about it. And then I remembered. He destroyed me. He ruined the happy optimistic person I was. He stole my future from me and gave it away. He chose the girl at Home Depot, he chose to pursue her when I begged him to stop.
So no. My Ex is what he is. My past. My future is that gorgeous and smart little boy. It is my job. Maybe even J is my future. But not HIM.