31 going on 16

Aside from losing my home, my future as a family, my sanity, material possessions, my status as a wife … (this list can go for miles)

I’ve lost my privacy.

I was forced to move in with my parents. And before I start complaining. I do not have rent. I get free babysitting and I love them very much.

But they cannot help but tell me on a daily basis what I should be doing. They like to remind me that he hasn’t paid me child support. They like to prod me about when I am going to get it from him, or what I am going to do about his late babysitting payments. They bring him up daily and refer to him as “dumb ass” and other sweet pet names. I try not to do that. I hate him for what he has done. But it will do me not one ounce of good to sit and brood about him. I have to pick and choose my battles since every day for me feels like I am at war with myself.

I have asked them. More than a few times to please not get caught up in the negativity. To let ME handle MY divorce.

But yet here I am.

I understand their concern and every time they keep saying that they say these things because they love me and that it’s hard for them to watch me go through this.

Now this will sound selfish maybe but… I am the ONE going through this. So if I am asking someone to respect certain boundaries they should be open to observing my requests.

Part of it is I confide in them too much. Part of it is they are forgetting that I am not a child. Yes, I am their child. But I am an adult with a need to have my own life.

So here I sit. dealing with the emotions of my divorce and my new life and now the people who I should be able to turn to have made me feel anxious to go home. Guilty for needing boundaries and disrespected for not observing the boundaries i have asked and now begged for.

I can’t ask anymore. I have explained and begged enough. So my option is to withdraw. I’ll confide in other outlets and I will find ways to avoid conversations. And I certainly won’t hold my breath for understanding or an apology because at this point it’s quite clear that my parents are on their own agenda.

 

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