A Real Valentine.

A Real Valentine.

J. We are venturing into dangerous territories. He gave me a Valentine’s weekend I will never forget.

I didn’t have my boy for the night so I did my hair and makeup, got a cute outfit and drove out to his apartment. The drive was terrible. Aside from the bitter cold, I could hardly see. What takes 20 minutes was an hour. I pulled into the parking lot and I sat there. I was nervous for some reason. Continue reading “A Real Valentine.”

Follow up to Letter’s I will never send (but already sort of did): Dear J. Response: Dear Heather.

Follow up to Letter’s I will never send (but already sort of did): Dear J. Response: Dear Heather.

Masqued. You challenged me. I have an Olympic Gold in crappy self esteem. But this will feel good.

Dear Heather,

Because you are hard on yourself sometimes here are 50 Reasons why you are a Strong Awesome Woman: Continue reading “Follow up to Letter’s I will never send (but already sort of did): Dear J. Response: Dear Heather.”

Goodbye J?

Goodbye J?

I am thinking it might be time for me to be honest with myself. And that will mean being honest with J.

I am not in a place where I can be emotionally involved with someone.

J was sick (my fault) and I felt terrible. I was selfish and subjected him to my germs leaving him down and out for almost two weeks. And for almost two weeks we texted. No other contact. I was moody. I was sad. I was lonely. When I had my boy I poured all of my love into him. But when he was at his Dad’s… I was lost.

So here I am. Continue reading “Goodbye J?”

Why Do I Feel Like The Bad Guy?

Why Do I Feel Like The Bad Guy?

So I am keeping tally. We are 2 child support payments behind. A bounced check from babysitting two weeks ago (and fees) and this week is more babysitting money and a child support payment.

A total of: $850.00 is owed to me as of Friday. I’m guessing I will not see half that.

Meanwhile, he is selling the house. And I (the idiot that I am) look up the listing. I felt that feeling I have become all too used to in the past year. The one where I have my heart torn out of my chest. I scroll through the photos of the place I put my blood sweat and tears into, the place I always thought would be where my life would be. Each photo was harder than the last. The walls were painted different, there is new furniture… wait. NEW FURNITURE?!?!?! Continue reading “Why Do I Feel Like The Bad Guy?”