Why Do I Feel Like The Bad Guy?

So I am keeping tally. We are 2 child support payments behind. A bounced check from babysitting two weeks ago (and fees) and this week is more babysitting money and a child support payment.

A total of: $850.00 is owed to me as of Friday. I’m guessing I will not see half that.

Meanwhile, he is selling the house. And I (the idiot that I am) look up the listing. I felt that feeling I have become all too used to in the past year. The one where I have my heart torn out of my chest. I scroll through the photos of the place I put my blood sweat and tears into, the place I always thought would be where my life would be. Each photo was harder than the last. The walls were painted different, there is new furniture… wait. NEW FURNITURE?!?!?! So. That explains why I have had no money from him. But what was more upsetting was I see the nursery. The one I saved all of MY birthday and Christmas money to furnish (Our entire marriage he was always clear that finances were “separate”). The one where I meticulously and tirelessly choose colors, linens and decorations for, as our sweet boy grew inside me. I took some of the furniture. The crib and a bookshelf. I see after being moved out for 10 months, he STILL has not replaced the crib. Our two year old is sleeping in a pack and play every night.

So he has new dining room furniture, new bedroom linens, fresh paint, new rugs. Yet he lets his son sleep in a portable bed?  I don’t understand. I do not. I would give everything I had so that my child had a proper place to sleep.

And to make this even more of a mind fuck for me. My babysitter tells me that he informed them that he has sold the house (in a week) and is now building a new one?

Strange. He said he sold the house because he can’t afford the child support and the mortgage. Leaving me feeling like a thief. But if he is really building one (let’s be honest, he is a pathological liar) then maybe I don’t need to feel bad.

But this guilt brings up a question that is eating me up.

If me requiring Child Support makes him broke, am I the bad person?Untitled



2 thoughts on “Why Do I Feel Like The Bad Guy?

    1. You are right. I wish I could learn to stop feeling sorry for him, especial after he is the one who forced me into this new lifestyle. I guess It is time for me to involve the state so that I don’t need to stress this daily.


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