May 2, 2009

This is the day I thought my life was beginning.

As I remember it, I was trying to act like it was no big deal but on the inside I was excited. I woke up in my bed at my parents house, for what I was sure was the last time. I came down stairs to friends and my parents all talking about the day’s festivities. Coffee, donuts and mimosas floating around, girls waiting around to get their hair done and make up on, carrying dresses in plastic bags.

It was how the movies look. Photographer following me around like I am a princess, everyone treating me like I am the center of the universe. And in some moments, I was.

I remember that white gown was a fantastic article of clothing. The detail in it was intricate and wearing it made me feel like a beautiful bride that the little girl inside me always hoped I would be.

I was marrying my best friend of 5 years. We had just bought a house and graduated college. We were going to take the next programmed step we thought we should.

I remember so much going wrong that day. Not because I am divorced now, but so much did go wrong. Omen? I don’t know.

I mean, the limo driver was late picking me up, I was late for my own wedding. The original photographer I hired went into labor and sent her apprentice. When I arrived the flowers I meticulously picked out were all wrong, the florist didn’t even stay as we had asked him to.

When my dad walked me down the isle he was basically dragging me, I was almost jogging which made me feel uncomfortable and rushed. I didn’t get to really soak in the moment.

Once I got to the alter I was almost let down. This part wasn’t like the movies. You know the scene where the man see’s he wife walk down the isle and he’s in awe. I didn’t get that vibe. I guess I had built it up too much.

After the ceremony, which went fast we were waiting to get family together for photos, and suddenly I heard a commotion in the pews. I look and see people scared and surrounding someone on the floor.

I ran. My brother was on the floor with blood on his head convulsing. Panic ensued but it was brought under control. Later we found out he has epilepsy and that was his first seizure. My parents left with him in an ambulance.

We carried on with getting in the limo and going to the park for more photos. I couldn’t stop worrying about my family. I arrived at the reception with all my friends and family except my real family, my parents and brother.

Later my parents arrived and the party went on. My new husband had spent most of this night drunk at the bar or smoking cigars. I hardly saw him. We danced one time, our “first dance” and for years now I have no been able to remember for the life of me what the song was. Oops.

I had a great night dancing with my friends, my new in-laws cut the DJ off because they were tired, their son was passed out drunk at the bar and ended the night slightly early. I went home a bit disgruntled.

I used to find this “comical” and think it gave our special day character. Leave it to me to put a positive spin on something that should not ever have needed that type of spin.


It’s been a year since I left. I remember last year being broken and not celebrating this day felt like the end of my world. It was terrible. I knew for a fact I would never be happy or feel love again.

This year, I woke up next to J. He pulled me close to his skin and I exhaled deeply. May 2, 2009 was a good day for the old Heather. But May 2, 2016 was pretty great for new Heather too.

Cheers to new beginnings.



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