A whole lot of married life memories attached to this holiday. It will be hard to be up at the lake and not think of days past.
The boat that I lost in the divorce. My fishing buddy. My partner for late night Euchre grudge matches.
But on the flip side I have my little guy. All week. He will be experiencing my favorite place in the world. Last year didn’t count and the year before he was only a few months old. But now. At almost 2 and a half this little crazy human is super smart. Super interested in all things. He is seeing the world and asking questions and hes blossoming into a smart little human with a zest for life that I envy.
I may not have the big boat but I will have fishing boat and the kayaks.I bought little guy a fishing pole. And I can sit out Euchre and finally read the books I’ve been hoarding all year.
J is coming for a few days. I don’t know how he will take to it. He seems to me more of a city slicker than a country dweller. He grew up close to LA and he talks about camping but mostly complains about the bugs. The lake is full of horse flies, mosquitoes, spiders, bees, bugs bugs bugs. I can feel he won’t like it. But he knows how much this place means to me, so he is excited to drive up and see where I call “Heaven”.
He will be gone by the time we go to the fireworks. So it will be just me and my little guy. But we will be celebrating my independence on independence day. I have a lot of people who love me, but I have learned to manage myself. I am happy on my own, or in the company of those I love. I have rebuilt my life. I have a baby boy who is brilliant, beautiful and a blessing to be a mommy to. My family supports me in all I do and they give the space I need to heal and grow. I met a man I can trust and he taught me how to be comfortable with letting myself love again. He showed me that my flaws make me beautiful.
So I may have some memories pop up. I won’t let it be painful. I will try to embrace the past, give it the credit it deserves and celebrate all the new memories and traditions I am creating.