My own two feet

First of all. Brandi Carlile is my mother effing spirit animal. Her music hits me straight in the heart every time I hear her beautiful voice.

J is in school getting a certification right now. He wants a better job and he wants to find a place to work where he can be happy. On top of that he is in the process of buying a home for the first time after renting for as long as he has been on his own. He is in a band and they have been practicing and performing. And he has me. Poor guy has a full plate.

I know the right thing to do is back off. Keep to myself so he can focus on him and when he has time, I’ll be there.

It’s been a month and I miss him. We hardly see each other now. He asks if I can come over when he is done studying but 10 PM on a work night is hard on me. And as much as I want to rest my head next to his, I am keeping my distance. Not to hurt him. Not because I don’t miss him. But I am training myself to stay strong on my own two feet.

I’ve walked the road on my own. I’ve made tracks with my two feet, no one carried me, no one rescued me. Lately I lean on him too much. I need to remember that those two feet are fine, they can do this. I’ve been slipping to my sad broody place but I know what I am doing, I can dig out just fine. The easy way would be to jump when he needs me, but I am strong enough to go to him out of choice, not to satiate some desperate desire.

And damn it feels good to have someone so desirable to miss, and someone who misses me back. We just have to make it work until school is done in December. Almost there!



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