Saturn.

I’m attracted to the night sky. For as long as I remember I have dreamed of the stars and the moon.

My Grandfather taught me the planets in order from the sun before I knew the alphabet (Back when Pluto was included)

I spent my nights praying to the sky after he died. Begging for a sign he was out there, looking out for me. I was just a little girl staring into this vast darkness but all I ever saw was beautiful light. I’ve learned in my years of life and experience that very outlook of finding the light within the dark is applicable in so many ways. Some of the darkest places can produce the most beautiful light. It’s perspective.

I remember when we would travel in the car at night. I would sprawl out in the back seat and look out the window up at the sky. The moon would shine into the window. Like an old friend peaking in to say “Hello”. It would follow us in the car until we got home safely. It was security to know I had the moon to watch me, guide me and to shine it’s protection over me.

I always felt the skies pull me, and I’m not brilliant or inclined to the sciences. But I do know that a clear night sky will always stop me dead in my tracks. Fill my eyes with wonder and curiosity and make me question the very ground my feet are planted on.

In the Fourth grade I was Saturn for Halloween. Most girls were Disney princesses or cute animals. Nope not me! I wanted to be a planet. Nothing cute about being a big round ball with rings around you. Out of all the planets Saturn always seemed the most beautiful and recognizable to me. The big  glowing rings made is distinguishable and unique unlike the rest of the solar system. A gassy giant that holds mysteries we may never come to know, but we can always dream to know more.

I painted the solar system on my boys wall. I make sure, as my grandfather did for me that I am teaching him each planet’s name. Watching him point to Pluto (because it will always be a planet) and scream it’s name fills me with a sense of parental pride and reminds me that everything I do and believe in will be passed onto my baby. My love of space and the stars will be with him in some way forever. Whether he loves the sky as I do or he gets annoyed by it, who knows. But I do believe that makes me cognoscente of my impact on his life.

But not just my baby boy. The people I love. I find what I love and have passion for radiates to those who spend time with me. My parents love when I get the telescope out. If they hear space news they get excited to tell me about it. J and I went to the planetarium this weekend and we got to go up to the big telescope in the observatory. He saw my beautiful (yes mine) Saturn floating out in space. He was excited, didn’t know what to expect but he felt a rush at seeing how distinct the planet looks. He was flooding me with questions and I was trying my best to answer, as I am not an expert.

I’ve really grown and blossomed into a new person recently and I’ve noticed that my passion for things becomes contagious and infectious. My love of the night sky and photographing it was something that helped me through the divorce. I noticed the more I focused on it, and the happier I was others became inspired. Some wanted to know more about my passion and others began to be express themselves and what they love more passionately. I have found it comforting to know that I can impact the lives of those around me simply by being myself and not apologizing. By finding my niche and parading it like it is a celebration.

I spent years of my life suppressing my hobbies to be the wife I was supposed to be. Turns out I am beautiful when I just let my freak flag fly.

WAVE THAT FLAG! Someone out there is craving a freak like you and you just might inspire those around you.

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That’s me. 9 Years old.
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