It is. Life is disgusting and twisted and if it weren’t for the fact that it is also beautiful and a wonderful gift, I would wonder why the hell we bother with day to day.
But what sucks more is sharing custody with your little baby boy. The human you grew inside you for months. The boy you kept alive and fed with the little strength you had left. While he slept and drank beer, you were making sure this sweet little peanut was taken care of and loved.
I never once asked for this. So why is it fair that I lose time with that little life I have worked so hard for? He woke up one day and fucked my life up.
I’ve known the day would come when I see something the strikes me. I was doing what I know I shouldn’t. Snoop on the beautiful gut wrenching mess of Facebook.
I saw my ex (thank god) Mother-in law was tagged in photos by a girl who’s name I’ve heard in passing. My ex Brother-in law’s girlfriend. I look and I see countless photos of her. With MY baby boy. She’s holding him. Touching him. Playing with him. MY SON. My little baby. With some strange person. I don’t even know her.
And I lost it. I was with J. I hid in the bathroom And I lost it.
My stomach hurts thinking about it.
Some woman who doesn’t know me. Doesn’t know my story is with my baby. He is going to have this whole other life. And I will know nothing about it.
Shit is hard.