Somedays are like a warm knife through butter.
Other days are like a dull hack saw through bone.
I love the days where my hair is done, my make up is on, my clothes are on point. Im out and about. The sun licks my face and I can smile because the world is right. My boy is calling me mommy and everything is where it should be.
On the other side I have those days where I am in the corner of my room, shower is past due. Im crying. My hair is frizzy and in my face. My glasses are sliding down because my tears make it impossible to keep them on. I can’t find one thing in the world that feels good.
Nothing says “I have my shit together” like red puffy eyes.
Today I was driving home and a song triggered a memory. So vivid. I was driving on the wrong side of the road, my entire focus was disrupted. My stomach was in my feet and my heart was in my throat. My face was wet and salty and I was shaking my head hoping to snap out of it.
I punched the volume button to mute the radio. Let out a raspy “MFer”and resumed my drive home with out killing anyone.
I hate that the lows, are just so low. And the highs are the highest I know.
When does this level off. Can’t my life feel normal again?