It’s NOT a LOVE triangle though… DEFINITELY.
So I’ve been officially divorced for almost a year now (One month from today is the year).
I have been dating J for a little over a year.
I have been a Mom for two and a half.
I was a Wife for 7.
And so far I have been a stable emotional being for 0 years.
I know now with my new life is new obstacles. Most of which I am not ready for.
Now here is the scenario:
My toddler likes a TV show. That TV show is coming to town for a live show. I want to see it with him. So does his Dad. The night this falls on is his Dad’s night. So I am infringing. And I have no right to ask him to give that experience up just on the fact that I don’t like him and I don’t want to be in the room with him.
And that’s not me. I am not the one who goes around hurting people. Or stonewalling them. I am flexible and I am a giver. I refuse to compromise who I am out of spite and anger. I can handle uncomfortable. I know I will be fine. Because I have endured worse.
But J was very opposed to this. He thinks it’s odd that the three of us go together. Am I crazy for thinking this is OK?
In my happy dream world, J is going with us and it’s us 3. A happy family. But my dream world is fucked and flawed. So nothing is ideal anymore. Ever.
And J. I keep telling he he doesn’t know what he is getting into with a REAL relationship with me. I’m not going to be a regular girl. He keeps saying that he does and if he doesn’t he will learn in time.
But for him to expect me to bow out of sharing happiness with my son just because I would be with my ex sends me into a toxic spiral of anger. I began to rifle off to him why his thinking is flawed and he sends me a cute little kissy face, tells me I am a bigger person than he is and that he will always support my decisions. But now there is that undertone that he does not approve.
What he may not understand is, I don’t need that. And I will give a pass to allow for a learning curve and a greater understanding. But if this continues, I cannot be off base for being offended by his dissent right? I mean it’s hard enough for me to make these types of decisions, but to not feel supported at all alienates me and will certainly drive me away.
It’s not like this is some secret date night. It’s not like I even remotely ever enjoy his presence. It’s a night out for our kid. Because parents do that for their children!
For 32(ish) years I have existed. And for the first time in those years I can say I am proud of my ability to be incredibly sensitive to others. I always felt it was a burden but you know what?
No. That man may have destroyed me. But he gave me a gift. He gave me the best gift I never knew I wanted. J can think it’s odd that I am ok doing family things with someone I hate, but the truth is. As much as I hate him. I owe him.
For the past year of being a newly divorced and dating mom I have struggled with the thoughts of this very scenario.
And here I am.