List: What I gained

I lost a lot. But in the months since this I have found I have gained as well.

  1. Independence. I do not rely on him for anything. Ever. It’s just me. And that has felt pretty cool.
  2. I get a queen bed to myself! I can sleep crooked. It’s OK.
  3. I take a hot shower without feeling any guilt of running up the bills.
  4. I don’t get in trouble for forgetting to wash a dish.
  5. I get to be myself. No apologies. Goofy day? He isn’t there to tell me to chill. I love it.
  6. I make plans for myself. And I don’t care now. I don’t have to consult my husband. (J is different, he knows I am a free spirit). Get dinner with a friend on a Tuesday? Sure. Head out to the mall with my mom? F yeah. No approval needed I do my thing.
  7. I get to watch whatever I want to. It’s amazing! Shows I had always wanted to catch but limited to minimal down time because he was always watching some gold hunting crab catching Alaska wilderness show. If I wanted to watch something it was with headphones on my phone. Not ideal.
  8. I can spend time with my family and not feel guilty. He hated how close I was with my parents. I couldn’t figure out why. They are fun. They are a good time. Always cooking up good food. Always laughter. It bugged him that I would go out with my mom. It bugged him when I wanted to do Sunday dinner with them. Now (I live with them) I get to spend time with them unapologetic-ally.
  9. Try new food. He was always eating the same things. He always wanted to go to the same places. I’ve tried so many new things now. It’s great.
  10. Clarity. I have insight as to who I am. What I am made of. What I can survive. I would never have known I was this strong had I not gone through this divorce. I may not have a certain future anymore, but whatever it holds I know I can take it.

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