So people who know me but not well tend to be quite inquisitive. These are few of the questions I have heard:
Disclaimer: Mostly these don’t bother me when discussing with my friends this is the unsolicited questioning of virtual strangers.
- “Wow, are you worried how your son feels being bounced around?” Yes. That’s the shit that keeps me awake at night. The fear of the impact it will have on him. But you know what’s worse? Keeping him from his Dad. Even worse? Raising him in a home where two people don’t love or respect each other.
- “You are so lucky you get a break from being a Mom” Yeah I am so lucky that I get free time to fold his little clothes and pick up his toys while tears stream down my face because 3 nights a week I don’t get to put my sweet boy to bed at night. So lucky. So lucky to feel the darkest sadness I can describe. It’s not a break. It’s hell.
- “I always tell my husband that we cannot get a divorce. We cannot do that to the kids” OK. Yeah that’s how it went for us. We were like “you know what, fuck being married and fuck giving our kid a normal life. We only care about ourselves”. No it wasn’t like that. It was months of couples therapy. Me living in the attic. Screaming matches. Breaking things. Staying at my parents on the weekends. Being made to feel like I am not good enough. Feeling myself slowly slip away. Not trusting a word he said (still don’t) If that is how you want to feel while raising a family, more power to you.
- “You’re so strong, I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know what I’d do”. I’m strong because of it. I wanted to die. I spent days in bed crying and begging to close my eyes and never wake up. All I fantasized about was me dying or him dying. I just wanted all of the pain to stop. But you lean as hard as you can on anyone who will bear your weight. You fight and claw your way to place where you realize it’s OK. You will be fine. And you will have some bad days. But they become few and far between.
- “I hope you don’t trash talk his dad to your son” … Oh but I would love to. Luckily he is only 3. But he knows what’s up and he knows that Mommy and Daddy live separate. And sees other people with Mommies and daddies that are together. So the days of mystery will soon by numbered. Do I want to tell him “Your dad was a cheating ass hole who fell out of love with me because he’s a selfish shit” … Oh do I. But that is my son’s only father. Little boys need to have heroes and their Daddy is their first. So no. I keep it civil. I bite my tongue and swallow my anger because this isn’t about me. Behind closed doors… when my boy is no where to be found I WILL speak frankly. Because it’s my story to tell.
- “Did you guys try counseling?” No, we said fuck the last 11 years and walked away. Why are people so fucking nosy? …. Insert raging sarcasm.
- “Are you going to get married again?” I love this one. I don’t even know where I will be living in 3 years. I don’t understand why people want to know this one? Does it matter now? I don’t even know up from down some days. So my future nuptials are certainly unknown.
- “You must miss your son when he is with his dad” YES. More than I can ever properly articulate.
- “Do you hate having to be in constant contact with your Ex?” Not even giving an answer. DUH.
- “The holidays must be awful.” … yup.
- “How do you do it?” One foot in front of the other…
- “Do you think you guys will ever get back together?” BARF.
- “If my husband ever cheated on me I’d kill him.” We all say it. Until it happens. Then you just fantasize about it.
Anyone else have some gems?