Letters I Will Never Send: Dear My Ex’s Girlfriend.

I’ve seen you a few times. We were awkwardly introduced. I smiled and waved. I don’t have a great deal of feelings in regards to you. You are just there.

Some things I would like you to know.

I am not and will not ever be jealous of you. In fact I fear for you a little. You seem like you are a good person. You seem like you are a good mom too. So to see you choose to start a life with the man who destroyed mine makes me nervous for you. But they say there is someone out there for everyone. They say that things happen for a reason. So maybe this is your person. Maybe he won’t hurt you how he hurt me. For you and your little son’s sake, I hope he does not.

I did love him at some point. I was where you were one day. For 11 years I did everything with that man. I took his virginity, I suffered college with him, I helped him through his concussion, I went to Vietnam with him, I was there for him when he gained a lot of weight and loved him anyways. I stayed by his side when his family was getting too involved in our life, I helped him get through his grandparents passing. We bought our first home together and now we have a child. 11 years of US in his life. And I can’t get it to go away. And I bet he can’t either. But I don’t love him at all. Not even a little. When I see his face my stomach hurts and churns. My heart aches a little for the past but he doesn’t make me miss it all too much. I don’t dream of a day that our family will be back together and I am content with my life as it is now.

I know a few things about him. Things I picked up over the years. Things you might not know yet…

  • He seriously always sleeps with his hands in his pants. It’s annoying and gross but it’s his thing.
  • Don’t try to make him toss the blue ratty blanket he sleeps with. He is a giant man child.
  • If you do not agree with him, don’t come at him strong, subtly disagree so that he doesn’t feel cornered by you.
  • He values his pride over all other things. Try not to tarnish or damage it.
  • Mint ting a ling ice cream is his favorite night time snack. He will eat it daily if you let him.
  • He isn’t a snuggler. He is always hot and needs to cool off.
  • His Mom will find a way to make you see everything and do everything her way. And he is a giant mama’s boy so he will always take her side first.
  • His brother is miserable. Pissy. Moody. Spoiled jerk. There is no winning him over unless it’s on his terms.
  • Money. Always pay your way. Food. Stuff. Outings. All of it. Don’t hint he should pay and don’t as for his help. He will hold it over your head.
  • He likes the artist Meatloaf (also the food)
  • His nasal voice will start to bug you less and less through the years.
  • He can be kind when you are sick.
  • He likes to bring home little snacks as a surprise.
  • Try not to complain because anything you have going on, he is experiencing it worse. Because he is a chronic “one upper”
  • He likes watching The Office before bed.
  • He likes super hoppy beer
  • He hates frosting, which is awesome if you love it.
  • For Christmas he will go crazy if you put a box of Dots candy in his stocking.
  • Also for Christmas get him the following: A pack of gum, car air-fresheners, black ankle socks. It’s his jam.
  • If I were you I’d make sure he isn’t talking to a girl named “Clair” that works at Home Depot. Just sayin’.

I know more. But I don’t want to delve any deeper. You will find out all you need to. And maybe I’m wrong now? Maybe he’s a new man.

But good luck to you. I don’t sit and hate you, you are not the woman he cheated on me with. You are just a new member to the shit show. I’d rather my son see his father happy, so I hope that you two are nothing but that.

I do wonder what you know. What he told you. Do you know he is a liar? A cheater? A quitter? He cannot handle pressure to be a good faithful honest man? I bet you don’t. I bet you think I am the lazy loser ex wife who couldn’t stand by my family. I bet you think he is a wounded man who needs a woman to nurse him back. He loves being a victim. He loves people worrying about him. So if that is the case, you will all be fine. Until you stop fawning over him. Healing his superficial wounds. It doesn’t matter what you know. What you don’t know. Because the truth will surface. And maybe it doesn’t matter to you.

My biggest hope is that you understand, woman to woman that my son is MY son. You will not, can not and won’t ever be his mother. And I hope you treat him well. I hope he never feels like he is less important around your son. I hope he never feels like he is the odd man out when he is with you all. If I ever find out that my son is being treated any less than amazing, I will be switching into full blown mama bear. I am a rational person but My boy is all I have in this world, I cannot let anyone treat him any less than perfect. Ever.

Good Luck.


The Ex Wife



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