TICB: I’m So Fucking Happy

Seriously.

I had a great day with J Sunday. We have been in this stagnate stage with my being so sick. I’ve hardly seen him or even hardly able to kiss him.

We’ve been bummed out!

So Sunday, I got my hair done up pretty and I went over. He met me at the door with Aerosmith blasting (it’s our thing) and wearing nothing but tight underwear and a cheetah scarf.

Meow.

I am very attracted to him. I never was attracted to my Ex this way, so instantly we started making out and making our way to his bedroom. Clumsy. Banging into walls. Giggling.

I’ll spare you the details, I am sure you know what transpired. And not to gloat (but I am going to) It felt so good. 2 hours later we surfaced and decided we were going to head downtown for a late lunch.

We were giddy. We didn’t drink. He didn’t smoke. To the untrained eye we may have looked intoxicated but we were just so happy. So thankful. We talked all day about us and the future and how wonderful life is now.

We joked later that night that had we heard anyone else talking this way we may throw up. We spent the rest of the night making fun of how cheesy we were all day.

Last night he sent me a text saying “I love Mommy and Carter” in response to a photo of us I sent. I melted. He referred to me as “Mommy” which seems standard but I felt like we are really evolving into a real family unit. Something that little had a huge impact. I drifted to sleep and smiled.

On my way to work I re read that text. I cried. I cried because I know life is hard. I know it’s not always going to feel this way. But at one point in the not so distant past, I thought that I would NEVER feel this happy again. And I appreciate the freakin crap out of those good days. The days filled with hope. The days I know I have made it out of some of my worst. The days I don’t wake up with a headache from crying all night.

So yeah I cried because I am so fucking happy. And I am very OK with it.

 

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