You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t expect it. You were trying so hard to be like everyone expected you … Continue reading By The Way I Forgive You (Me)
I’ve been doing better. My mood has been better. I have been focusing on the good stuff a lot more lately. J and I have had some big talks, some heart to hearts. And I have been trying to stop comparing him to my ex.
I had distanced myself a little but J was his calm self. I’ve been going over there. Doing our thing. Just a little less intensity. Continue reading “Christmas Can Totally Freakin’ Suck it.”
I cannot for the life of me get a good positive groove back.
I am obsessed with nit picking and obsessing on the negative.
I am pretty sure I am in the middle of destructing my relationship with J. I have been cold, passive aggressive, frustrated. Continue reading “Blegh.”
Lately I’ve been thinking.
Thoughts I’ve buried. Thoughts I’ve deemed too difficult to process.
And mix it with thoughts that counteract the trauma. The “Look how far I’ve come now” kind of thoughts.
I remember driving in the car. We dropped the boy off with mom and dad and making our way home to pack for a quick weekend trip to Chicago. It was my “Hail Mary” to save our marriage. Continue reading “My Worst Divorce Memory”
I’m still alive.
Much to my surprise.
I spent time in the dark place. The darkest place. I wanted to just stop breathing. I wanted nothing more than to kiss my little boy before bed, lay my head on my pillow and never lift it again. It sounded better then facing my problems. Continue reading “The Break, The Rebuild, The New.”
I haven’t written lately. I actually am happy I haven’t dwelled on my wounds. I needed to live. To escape … Continue reading Absent but turning a corner
The stress of this is getting to me. I just lost some pretty large chunks of hair. Luckily I have really thick hair so you can’t see the bald spots.
I am still angry. I keep crying over almost nothing. He was able to turn off his feelings. But I unfortunately feel everything. It’s deep. It’s raw. My core is exposed and I have no way of closing myself off. Continue reading “Don’t Tell Me How To Act or Feel.”