Lately I’ve been thinking.
Thoughts I’ve buried. Thoughts I’ve deemed too difficult to process.
And mix it with thoughts that counteract the trauma. The “Look how far I’ve come now” kind of thoughts.
I remember driving in the car. We dropped the boy off with mom and dad and making our way home to pack for a quick weekend trip to Chicago. It was my “Hail Mary” to save our marriage. Continue reading “My Worst Divorce Memory”
Somedays are like a warm knife through butter.
Other days are like a dull hack saw through bone. Continue reading “Higher High Times. Lower low Times”
Today I am crying because: Christmas is coming. It’s July. JULY. And I’m all over here like:
“Wahhhh” Sobbing at my desk at work. Festering and dwelling. Telling the guys in the back as they walk by “Wow my allergies are awful today” ::insert phony laugh:: Yeah… They are not buying that I am sure.
Why? Because these “Christmas in July” sales are getting me thinking about December. And Christmas will be here and I am NOT. NOT NOT NOT NOT. Not at all mentally prepared for the shared custody at Christmas this year. Continue reading “TICB: Christmas”
Seriously. Today I broke down and cried because of Mashed Potatoes. I was at Wegmans and I saw they had boxes of instant mashed potatoes on clearance for $0.76 per box. I picked up 4 boxes. And then out loud I said:
Where the hell will I even keep these. I don’t have a kitchen.
I cried. Standing in the isle, in front of a shopping cart with 4 boxes of mashed potatoes, a 12 pack of Blue lights and Chobani yogurt. Continue reading “(Today I Cried Because)TICB: Mashed Potatoes.”
My therapist asked me to write a letter I will never send. Addressed to my ex. Well. Obviously I am familiar with doing this. This letter may be redundant when looking at the others but it’s just another way to help me heal.
We speak on a weekly basis. If you ask me it’s more than I’d like to but we have a son together and it’s what is best for him. So I do it. When we do speak I keep it to minimal but I would like to clear up somethings and update you on my life now. Continue reading “Letters I Will Never Send: Dear Ex Husband,”
I have avoided this. I can do short term goals, no problem. Like:
- Wake up tomorrow
- Go one day with out crying
- Make someone laugh
- Don’t get take out this week
But as soon as I think long term, I clam up. Freak out. Cry a bit. Panic. Continue reading “Why does everyone want to know what my Goals are?”
I’m still alive.
Much to my surprise.
I spent time in the dark place. The darkest place. I wanted to just stop breathing. I wanted nothing more than to kiss my little boy before bed, lay my head on my pillow and never lift it again. It sounded better then facing my problems. Continue reading “The Break, The Rebuild, The New.”