I wonder what my life would be like if I just did what he wanted. If I became the woman he was pushing me to be.
I wonder what life would like right now if I handled the cheating better. Sucked it up and forgave him blindly.
::Cue the fuzzy transition to the alternate universe:: Continue reading “Alternate Universe.”
Lets just visit this topic real quick.
First: I am not a good friend. I am bad at calling and texting back. I like my alone time. I also have a kid. That makes on the fly socializing impossible. I am a scatter brain, I forget and I am flaky as fuck.
Second: I avoid confrontation. So if I sense there is a rumble of dissent, I do this thing I call “The dip”. I dip out. Radio silence.
I don’t have a best friend. Continue reading “Friends.”
Clair…Claire (However the hell you spell your name),
I don’t know you. I don’t want to. I don’t like you. I used to hate you but time is the most wonderful healer of pain. I just don’t like you.
I hope you find love. I hope you have a beautiful family and your life is in order. Continue reading “Letters I will Never Send: Dear The Other Woman,”
Lately I’ve been thinking.
Thoughts I’ve buried. Thoughts I’ve deemed too difficult to process.
And mix it with thoughts that counteract the trauma. The “Look how far I’ve come now” kind of thoughts.
I remember driving in the car. We dropped the boy off with mom and dad and making our way home to pack for a quick weekend trip to Chicago. It was my “Hail Mary” to save our marriage. Continue reading “My Worst Divorce Memory”
Lately. Far more often than I’d like. I get flashbacks of the fights.I get flashbacks of the good times too.
I stopped going to therapy. Not because I feel like I needed to, but because I had to. Continue reading “I Need A Good Day.”
Somedays are like a warm knife through butter.
Other days are like a dull hack saw through bone. Continue reading “Higher High Times. Lower low Times”
Today I am crying because: Christmas is coming. It’s July. JULY. And I’m all over here like:
“Wahhhh” Sobbing at my desk at work. Festering and dwelling. Telling the guys in the back as they walk by “Wow my allergies are awful today” ::insert phony laugh:: Yeah… They are not buying that I am sure.
Why? Because these “Christmas in July” sales are getting me thinking about December. And Christmas will be here and I am NOT. NOT NOT NOT NOT. Not at all mentally prepared for the shared custody at Christmas this year. Continue reading “TICB: Christmas”