Last night J and I went to get chicken wings at a local place. It was late, we were hungry but we were our normal people watching, joke cracking selves. It wasn’t busy but service was slow for some reason. By the time the waitress brought me a fruity rum drink I was on a starving empty stomach. A few sips and I felt my mouth moving and my brain floating around somewhere taking my filter with it. Continue reading “Shit Show: Life is More Like Desperate Housewives Than You Think?”
I wonder what my life would be like if I just did what he wanted. If I became the woman he was pushing me to be.
I wonder what life would like right now if I handled the cheating better. Sucked it up and forgave him blindly.
::Cue the fuzzy transition to the alternate universe:: Continue reading “Alternate Universe.”
Lately I’ve been thinking.
Thoughts I’ve buried. Thoughts I’ve deemed too difficult to process.
And mix it with thoughts that counteract the trauma. The “Look how far I’ve come now” kind of thoughts.
I remember driving in the car. We dropped the boy off with mom and dad and making our way home to pack for a quick weekend trip to Chicago. It was my “Hail Mary” to save our marriage. Continue reading “My Worst Divorce Memory”
This is the day I thought my life was beginning.
As I remember it, I was trying to act like it was no big deal but on the inside I was excited. I woke up in my bed at my parents house, for what I was sure was the last time. Continue reading “May 2, 2009”
So I am keeping tally. We are 2 child support payments behind. A bounced check from babysitting two weeks ago (and fees) and this week is more babysitting money and a child support payment.
A total of: $850.00 is owed to me as of Friday. I’m guessing I will not see half that.
Meanwhile, he is selling the house. And I (the idiot that I am) look up the listing. I felt that feeling I have become all too used to in the past year. The one where I have my heart torn out of my chest. I scroll through the photos of the place I put my blood sweat and tears into, the place I always thought would be where my life would be. Each photo was harder than the last. The walls were painted different, there is new furniture… wait. NEW FURNITURE?!?!?! Continue reading “Why Do I Feel Like The Bad Guy?”
FIRST OF ALL
I am not conflicted.
But I am confused. And a little angry. And slightly
The Ex asked to call me after the boy went to bed. I said of course. He owes me child support, money for babysitting and I was thinking this was to explain that.
Nope. Not quite.
He started by saying that he thinks he has been paying me too much. My ass. I politely corrected him. And I am not a money grubbing evil woman so I am understanding and willing to calmly discuss. He dropped that as soon as he realized the er in his logic.
He went on a rant about being lonely and empty inside. Continue reading “My Life Is an Episode of the Twilight Zone”
Dear Broken Rock Bottom Heather,
It feels bad.
The walls are closing in on you. The walls have closed in on and you crumbled around you. The rubble is burying you alive. You are suffocating. You think you are alone. You cannot trust anyone. Not even yourself.
All you can hear in your head is his voice. Telling you over and over how you failed your marriage. Continue reading “Letters I will never send: Broken Rock Bottom Heather,”