Letters I will never send: The Ex Husband.

Dear Ex Husband,

Thank you for setting me free.

While you were prepared to give up on our family and move on, I never was. I was sure that Marriage was supposed to be hard and ugly. I knew for a fact that there would be days I wanted to give up and seek a new life. But I promised you I wouldn’t. I chose to say “Yes” when you proposed to me on the beach. I wore the ring that sometimes felt like it was choking me. But I knew the good would be worth it. The days of laughing and the days of adventure. Those memories would sustain the long nights that felt lonely and desolate.

I remember my mom telling me:

You will know you are in love with someone when you hate them but you still want to love them.

I hated you some days. Your voice. Your face. The way you chewed. The way you left the seat up in the bathroom. How you always ate chicken and rice wraps for dinner. I hated how you always put work before family. I hated that you couldn’t sacrifice something as simple as cable TV to save money. I hated that you never saw me as someone you wanted to help support but someone that you had to as an obligation. I hated that you didn’t like how close I was with my family. I hated that you cherished the savings account more than your family. I hated your stupid TV shows. I hated how you would drink beer on the couch instead of spend time with me. I hated when I noticed you lied to me about even the tiniest things.

I can list more but you get my point.

Despite that. I loved you. Not just because I promised to. But because you were a good man to me. Not all the time. But I saw the good in you. I saw that you worked hard for your family. I understood that you didn’t want to sacrifice certain things because you did work so hard. Your voice sometimes said sweet things to me. Your face was home to me. You were easy to cook for because I knew what you liked. I learned to check the seat before going to the bathroom at night. I never called you out on your lies because they never hurt me. Continue reading “Letters I will never send: The Ex Husband.”