My Worst Divorce Memory

My Worst Divorce Memory

Lately I’ve been thinking.

Thoughts I’ve buried. Thoughts I’ve deemed too difficult to process.

And mix it with thoughts that counteract the trauma. The “Look how far I’ve come now” kind of thoughts.

I remember driving in the car. We dropped the boy off with mom and dad and making our way home to pack for a quick weekend trip to Chicago. It was my “Hail Mary” to save our marriage. Continue reading “My Worst Divorce Memory”

Letters I Will Never Send: Dear Ex Husband,

Letters I Will Never Send: Dear Ex Husband,

My therapist asked me to write a letter I will never send. Addressed to my ex. Well. Obviously I am familiar with doing this. This letter may be redundant when looking at the others but it’s just another way to help me heal.

Dear Ex,

We speak on a weekly basis. If you ask me it’s more than I’d like to but we have a son together and it’s what is best for him. So I do it. When we do speak I keep it to minimal but I would like to clear up somethings and update you on my life now. Continue reading “Letters I Will Never Send: Dear Ex Husband,”

I Can’t Stop Looking Back. Wanting. Hoping. Praying.

I am so devastated.

I decided Friday I would make him dinner. I went to what was our home for 6 years and I made a quick meal. Simple. But filled with hope. I then showed up at his second job. I told him some hard to say things. I apologized for choosing to be angry with him. I apologized for my terrible words. I then told him I would not go to mediation. Mediation is for two people who agree they need to dissolve a marriage.

I don’t want to. I want my old bestfriend back. I want my life back. I want waking up, heading to breakfast as a family, packing up the jeep and going to the lake, I want those late nights watching tv together talking about our day. I want the hustle and bustle of our crazy little life. I want the partner he promised to be. I want the person I have known for 11 years.

I am going to fight until a judge tells me to give up. Continue reading “I Can’t Stop Looking Back. Wanting. Hoping. Praying.”