I Can’t Stop Looking Back. Wanting. Hoping. Praying.

I am so devastated.

I decided Friday I would make him dinner. I went to what was our home for 6 years and I made a quick meal. Simple. But filled with hope. I then showed up at his second job. I told him some hard to say things. I apologized for choosing to be angry with him. I apologized for my terrible words. I then told him I would not go to mediation. Mediation is for two people who agree they need to dissolve a marriage.

I don’t want to. I want my old bestfriend back. I want my life back. I want waking up, heading to breakfast as a family, packing up the jeep and going to the lake, I want those late nights watching tv together talking about our day. I want the hustle and bustle of our crazy little life. I want the partner he promised to be. I want the person I have known for 11 years.

I am going to fight until a judge tells me to give up. Continue reading “I Can’t Stop Looking Back. Wanting. Hoping. Praying.”