Home.

Home.

Cliches annoy me. They roll too easy off the tongue and involve little thought. But they exist because they are mostly true.

They say that:

Home is where the heart is.

It’s like a stupid sign I would hang in the living room as a decoration. I had certainly bought into that idea without putting thought into. Like, yes my address where I live is also where my family lives.  And until the divorce the idea of “Home” was simply a structure with walls and roof. A home was a thing you paint and fill. Something you pay for and something you can sell. Continue reading “Home.”

Good. Great. Bad. Better.

Good. Great. Bad. Better.

Life has been busy. Consuming. Good. Great. Bad. Better. My new standard roller coaster. Wayyyyyy better than the “Flat Line” of Shitty. Shittier. Wish I was Dead. Ok I’m Alive. I came to know that way of life far too well.

Little guy is in a big boy bed as of this week. I have to take apart the crib tonight. While I cry. My baby is a boy. I miss my baby. Realizing how much he is growing reminds me that I always saw myself as having two. Continue reading “Good. Great. Bad. Better.”

My Worst Divorce Memory

My Worst Divorce Memory

Lately I’ve been thinking.

Thoughts I’ve buried. Thoughts I’ve deemed too difficult to process.

And mix it with thoughts that counteract the trauma. The “Look how far I’ve come now” kind of thoughts.

I remember driving in the car. We dropped the boy off with mom and dad and making our way home to pack for a quick weekend trip to Chicago. It was my “Hail Mary” to save our marriage. Continue reading “My Worst Divorce Memory”

Love is Gross

Love is Gross

Love. Some days I think “What a stupid word” and some days I think “What a beautiful word”

Now, after learning that love isn’t some magical cure all thing, it doesn’t save a broken marriage, it doesn’t move mountains, it’s not little cupids floating around, its not roses and pretty hearts. Love looks nothing like Valentine’s day.

Love is hideous. Continue reading “Love is Gross”