Lets just visit this topic real quick.
First: I am not a good friend. I am bad at calling and texting back. I like my alone time. I also have a kid. That makes on the fly socializing impossible. I am a scatter brain, I forget and I am flaky as fuck.
Second: I avoid confrontation. So if I sense there is a rumble of dissent, I do this thing I call “The dip”. I dip out. Radio silence.
I don’t have a best friend. Continue reading “Friends.”
Cliches annoy me. They roll too easy off the tongue and involve little thought. But they exist because they are mostly true.
They say that:
Home is where the heart is.
It’s like a stupid sign I would hang in the living room as a decoration. I had certainly bought into that idea without putting thought into. Like, yes my address where I live is also where my family lives. And until the divorce the idea of “Home” was simply a structure with walls and roof. A home was a thing you paint and fill. Something you pay for and something you can sell. Continue reading “Home.”
I went to the house to help label things to keep and things to junk. The floors need a good cleaning and the walls need a fresh coat of paint but otherwise its a nice simple home.
There was a few times I felt so rigid, stiff and uncomfortable I wanted to crawl out of my body and run away. But I didn’t. Life is hard. Things are hard. Running solves nothing.
But this house isn’t about me. It’s his victory. And I will let him have it. He’s a homeowner and he has a place that is HIS. To do what he wants with it.That’s awesome. I had my turn years ago with that. (And now it’s gone.) Continue reading “The House. His House. Our House?”
Life has been busy. Consuming. Good. Great. Bad. Better. My new standard roller coaster. Wayyyyyy better than the “Flat Line” of Shitty. Shittier. Wish I was Dead. Ok I’m Alive. I came to know that way of life far too well.
Little guy is in a big boy bed as of this week. I have to take apart the crib tonight. While I cry. My baby is a boy. I miss my baby. Realizing how much he is growing reminds me that I always saw myself as having two. Continue reading “Good. Great. Bad. Better.”
Lately. Far more often than I’d like. I get flashbacks of the fights.I get flashbacks of the good times too.
I stopped going to therapy. Not because I feel like I needed to, but because I had to. Continue reading “I Need A Good Day.”
A lot on my mind. It feels like it’s at capacity at the moment.
I’ll start with this.
J and I were flipping through my Facebook together looking at my old pictures. He has never seen me in my natural hair color (Blonde). In the process of strolling down Heather’s memory lane we stumble on things that are … well… awkward. Continue reading “What the F do I do about the old photos.”
A whole lot of married life memories attached to this holiday. It will be hard to be up at the lake and not think of days past.
The boat that I lost in the divorce. My fishing buddy. My partner for late night Euchre grudge matches. Continue reading “Independence Day.”