December 3rd. D day.

December 3rd. D day.

It’s done. I would say I am happy. I would celebrate. I would cheer. But all I can muster is sadness. A little regret. A little relief. But an intense sadness.

I never wanted this. I never asked for it. I always tried my my best and I always understood that a vow, even a vow as ancient as a wedding vow was a vow you keep.

For better or for worse…

It’s haunting to think about. I promised someone that no matter how terrible and difficult I will not leave. He did the same. Why didn’t we stay true to our vows? I held out longer than he did but at some point you have to ask yourself what you are even fighting for. It doesn’t matter who broke it, when it broke or even how it broke. We broke it. How will anyone ever trust that I can keep that vow again? I don’t think I can trust that I can.

I can blame him for cheating, no one can fault me for that. He can blame me for not being a financial contributor. It means nothing.

But it’s done. All the things we built and created we have dissolved and torn it down. 11 years are condensed into one sentence: We couldn’t make it work.

What did I learn from this? Continue reading “December 3rd. D day.”